Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in Dr.Miranda Bailey's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
10:48 am	Topic in fandom_muses Define your weakness? Bailey watched Izzie walk away. The former Dr.Model was defeated, angry and alone. Bailey wanted to chase after her and tell her to stay. She wanted to remind her that quitting is never the answer. Bailey wanted to do a lot of things but she didn’t. She hung back and watched her go. This had to be Bailey’s biggest weakness although she would never tell anyone. These interns- all of them had made a place in her heart. She hurt for Meredith Grey when Addison Shepherd came along. She hurt for Christina Yang when she lost her baby. She cheered for George O’Malley when he found Callie and started moving past Meredith. She smiled whenever Alex Karev stopped being jackass for a moment and let his true colors show. And she had been with Izzie in spirit throughout this entire ordeal with Denny. These kids. These future surgeons were like her own children and that mad it harder to be a good resident to them. That was her biggest weakness. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
8:40 am	Topic in theatrical_muse I am glad this question was asked. Monogamy isn’t about what most people think it. People make it about loyalty and love. What we as a society should be concerned with is the ramifications of sex with multiple partners. When you as a person make the choice to be monogamous- if you take the proper precautions, then you lower the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STD’s. I am not saying you are 100% protected (that can only be guaranteed by abstinence) but it helps. If you have multiple partners than you stand the chance of making mistakes. You forget to ask if they have been tested, or you forget a condom. I realize anyone; even those in a committed relationship can forget a condom. But if you have more than one partner, especially one on the down low you will probably be careless. I have been with my husband for a long time and we are both monogamous. For me that is more emotional at this point. I choose to be faithful because I love him. My hope for the world is that they make better decisions in the future. Safer decisions. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
1:11 pm	Topic # 32 in fandom_muses Dear George, There is something I never really told you. I really should have thanked you for helping me deliver my son. I don’t thank you often enough and I really need to stop that. Appreciation means a lot in our business and it helps our del-esteems. I was afraid that day. I was afraid to delivery a baby I would have to raise on my own. Fear turned me into something other than myself- you came in and brought me back. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t. I am glad I will never have to know. I wasn’t sure you would make it O’Malley. I questioned if you had it. I will never question that again. Sincerely, Dr.Miranda Bailey Bailey re-read the letter over and over again. Eventually she decided not to send it. O’Malley didn’t need to know the inner workings of her mind and she didn’t want to open up that much. Plus he was a doctor and needed to get sued to being underappreciated. (Comment on this)
12:42 pm	Topic # 138 When you say Spirit some people think ghost- I think the human condition. To me Spirit is the spark inside a human. Maybe that is personality, maybe that is the soul-whatever, to me that is spirit. It was our spirits that brought us here to be doctors. The spark inside that makes us crave action, adventure and the chance to make a difference in the world. Without that would we have started down this lonely and frustrating path- not a chance. We don’t care how tired we are, how sick we are- we come in here and we do our job. Once we have saved a life or changed someone we walk out with a sense of satisfaction and an adrenaline rush. But then we lose a life or make a mistake. We leave the room questioning life and god- our spirits broken. Spirit, heart, drive- all the same thing. It is what fuels us and makes us whole. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
2:56 pm	Topic # 136 in theatrical_muse Sometimes I watch Preston Burke sleep at night- I started that after his accident of course. As a doctor I have thought quiet a bit about human nature in the past but only recently has it become so personal. What does not kill us makes us strong- well I have undeniable proof of that now. Bullets kill people-but this bullet didn’t kill Preston Burke. He may never cut again but I have seen more strength and willpower from the injured man than any other person in my life. If I couldn’t cut again I think I would go crazy-most surgeons would. I bet Preston Burke has an internal struggle everyday but somehow he forces himself to wake up and be kind to the nurses. Life is funny isn’t it? I have see worse accidents than what happen to Dr. Burke-yet it was his will to succeed that taught me about survival (Comment on this)
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
12:50 pm	Topic # 28 in <lj comm="Fandom_muses> I am certainly not going to talk about my own sex life. That is none of your business. I will however comment on the lives of those around me. *smirks * That is what I do. In our hospital sex has been a major point of conversation and for some a way of life. We have had STD outbreaks and extra marital affairs. Not to mention- attendings dating interns. *Eyes both Burke and McDreamy * Society used to hold sexual intercourse in reverence and that is no longer the case. I am not telling people to wait for marriage or any self-righteous crap like that. I am just telling you to remember the physical and social consequences for sex. Always take the proper safety precautions to prevent the spreading of STD’s and unwanted pregnancy. That is your responsibility as human being. However the other thing you must remember-and this very well might be more important- sex takes a relationship to a new level. Once you sleep with someone you are now responsible for the heart. Never be reckless with other people’s hearts. Ok- now I am done. This message was brought to you by the coalition of I-really-hate-stupid-people (Comment on this)
11:50 am	Topic # 133 in theatrical_muse If. What if I had chosen not have son? I considered it. I thought about long and hard. Even though I ad been trying to get pregnant the idea of actually becoming a parent with the life I lead was over whelming. Tucker and I discussed it. He said the choice was mine to make-although I know he wanted me to continue with the pregnancy. Tucker is not the kind of man to force decisions on me. I wouldn’t have to take time off of work. I could have given more to my interns (especially Stevens and Karev-both of whom I think need my guidance significantly). I certainly wouldn’t be as stressed as I am now. I would be a resident with retardedinterns and a great reputation. I guess I still have a great reputation but some people see me as a mommy now-not a doctor. That is frustrating beyond belief. I have worked hard to get where I am today. But at the end of the day I am happy with the choices I made. Being a mom is hard but is is rewarding-much like being a doctor is too. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
2:47 pm	Topic for theatrical_muse What is your favorite retreat from the world? Bailey could feel the pressure building inside. A patient- her first patient- a great kid with a great future was dead. She had just got off the phone with his parents. They took the news well-a little too well. Bailey slipped down the wall and cried. She sat their for hours in the abandoned OR crying. This was the place she always went to cry. It was quiet and still. There was no one there to see her fall apart and then use it against her later. She laughed a little when she realized how ridiculous it was. Most people sanctuary was the mall, or their home or even a real sanctuary but hers was an OR. The life of a doctor she mused silently. She could hear voices in the hall. So she wiped the tears from her face and stood up. Dr.Miranda Bailey put her fight face back on and headed out into the corridor. Another drama awaited her- another persons life would be in her hands. She might just fail again. She sighed in relief that this place would always be here as a retreat from the world when it started to crash down upon her. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
12:34 pm	When I awoke this morning- topic in theatrical_muse When I awoke this morning… When I awoke this morning I didn’t think Izzie Stevens would cut Denny Duquette LVAD wire. I didn’t think Preston Burke would get shot or that once again Derek Shepherd would make things more complicated for Grey and Addison. When I awoke this morning I did my usual- showered, jogged, feeding the baby, you know. I showed up to work and worked hard all day. When I woke up this morning I was really looking forward to the prom. I was going to dance and laugh. I was going to give my interns hell but take to the time to remind them I can be a lot of fun too. But everyone had to ruin my night by losing all sense and doing insane things. As a doctor I should really be used to things changing quickly. As a doctor I should be used to adapting. But I will never get used to days where Izzie Stevens cuts her boyfriends LVAD wire, Preston Burke gets shot…and all that other stuff I said. This wasn’t the day I pictured when I awoke this morning. (Comment on this)
12:02 pm	Topic # 24 in fandom_muses If you could do one thing and there would be no consequence to doing it, what would you do? “Dr.Shepherd” Bailey called as she followed the male Dr. Shepard into the parking lot. “Dr. Shepherd, please, wait” Derek turned around, “Yes Dr. Bailey?” he asked. “Can I speak freely for a moment?” Bailey asked, “I feel the need to say something to you” “Miranda, I value your opinion, please.” Derek said “I think you are selfish,” Bailey said. “I think you are holding onto Addison for the wrong reasons and I don’t think that is fair to her.” A terrified look crossed his face, “Miranda” he started. “No” Bailey interrupted, “Let me finish. Normally your love life would have no effect on me whatsoever but because Grey is my intern and because she is my intern I have been forced to be aware of your love life and to hear about it-only a fairly regular basis. I feel that gives me the right to comment.” “Go on” Derek prompted still looking uncomfortable. “Grey is a good Dr. and an even better person. She is beautiful and smart and damn sure wont wait around for you.” Bailey said, “Addison is also a good Dr and a good person. Beautiful and smart and wont wait around for you. I realize all of that puts you in a tough place because you love them both but I think you love grey more and that is rather obvious. I know, Grey knows it, Addison knows-everyone in Seattle Grace knows it.” Derek sighed, “What are you trying to say Dr.Bailey?” “Make a decision and stick with it.” Bailey told him. “Don’t give either one of those fantastic women hope if you plan on walking away. They deserve better than that-and so do you” Bailey sighed deeply-she had wanted to say that for so long but refrained because he was her boss. She prayed Dr. Shepherd would take it easy on her. Derek smiled, “Dully noted,” he said. “Good evening Dr. bailey” She watched him walk away. She had no idea what he would do now-if anything. But she had done her very best and now could sleep peacefully at night. “Damn doctors-damn interns” Bailey muttered and she went back inside. (Comment on this)
12:00 pm	Topic # 23 Pain in fandom_muses Pain was watching Preston Burke bleeding on the concrete. The man was my teacher and my mentor. He was my friend. I thought he was immortal-Preston Burke shouldn’t get hurt or die. Pain was watching him recover from surgery and knowing that we he may never cut again. A world without Preston Burke as a surgeon- now that is painful. Pain was watching my interns rush around to save Izzie Stevens from herself-and knowing they would fail. They were more than colleagues they were a family and they made it there mission to protect her career. I admired their strength but I wanted to shake each one of them senseless. Pain was watching Izzie Stevens give up. I wanted her to make it. I watched her put Dr.Model to rest and I wanted her to take this all the way. A part of me knew she would survive the program-not because she wasn’t a good doctor but because she was too soft hearted. Being a surgeon is rewarding and satisfying- but it is also disappointing. I have to remind myself that I am not God and I can’t save the world-or Burke or Stevens. Now that is pain. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 2nd, 2006
11:49 am	Application for fandom_muses One thing you have learned from your past For the record I hate interns. It is my job to hate interns. If I don’t hate them, ride them and generally make their lives hell on earth, they get the idea in their tiny little brains that they matter. Now, we can’t have all of that, can we? The point is every intern I have ever met has been the same boot-licking suck up, nameless, faceless wannabe doctor that I put through the paces. They call me the Nazi for a reason; I am tough, and I am mean; but, I am damn good at what I do. The time they spend working under me may be grueling, but when they are done and when they move on, they will be one-hundred-percent better doctors. And when they are done, I never give a second thought. They aren’t people with a life; they are interns, and that is it, period, end of discussion. I was happy with the way things were. Then they walked into my life and messed it all up. Now, my life consists of playing a mediator in their love lives and keeping Izzie Stevens from self-destructing. What am I, a baby sitter? How am I supposed to mold them into hard as steel medical professionals when they seem to be more interested in becoming better people? All of them are the poster children for ADD because they have the attention span of a five-year-old. They all have drive, but they lack concentration and the ability to prioritize. It’s odd because I never cared before. I am not saying I care now; I am just saying that I cover for them, and I listen to them. It’s driving me mad. My job isn’t to teach them valuable life lessons. If they want valuable life lessons, they need to watch an after school special. My job is to make them into doctors, and I am not sure how to do that anymore. They all have potential; potential like I have never seen before. And when they focus and harness that energy, they can do some brilliant things. But I can’t let myself get attached because they are just interns. Have I mentioned how I hate interns? I shouldn’t care that Izzie Stevens left. But I teared-up as that girl walked out of Seattle Grace. I called it from day one with Stevens; she just doesn’t have it. But damn it, I wish she did. I wish she had made it because I feel like a failure. When did something that came so naturally to me become so hard for me? I wish I could blame it on becoming a mother, but this started before my baby was even conceived. I am afraid, deathly afraid, that I like these kids. No, scratch that, that I love these kids. That will not do; no, not at all. I have to stay strong and stay vigilant and remind myself on a daily basis if need be. I hate interns and that is not going to change. Not for anyone, not even them. But, whether I like to admit it or not, my life changed the day I met these suck-ups. They have names; they have faces. I just hope I’m enough to mold them into the doctors they’re supposed to become. Describe a dream you have had, how did that dream make you feel? Dr. Bailey took the shot glass back up to her lips and chugged it down without a second thought. Derek and Addison both were cheering her on. “Bailey,” Derek said lifting his beer. “You are my hero.” “She is everyone’s hero.” Addison replied. “I wish I had her…” the She-Sheppard trailed off looking into the space in front of her for the words” “Balls,” Derek finished for her with a laugh. “Balls. We all wish we had her balls” “Amen,” Addison replied. Bailey just laughed, but it sounded hollow to her own ears. “Dr. Bailey, you want to discuss it?” Addison asked. “Discuss what?” Bailey countered. “Discuss whatever is bugging you,” Addison responded. “I know what it is,” Derek announced. “Really!” he said to his skeptical wife, “Bailey is upset about Burke. But really, Bailey he will be fine.” Bailey nodded, “I appreciate it Sheppard, but Preston Burke isn’t what is on my mind right now. I am glad he is recovering well, but I am not thinking about him” “Then what is it?” Addison prompted. “I need another drink,” Bailey answered. “I will get it.” Derek said, ‘I need another anyway, you?” he asked Addison who just nodded. He pulled himself out of a chair and stumbled to the bar. Addison turned back to Bailey. “He is gone so if you want to talk, it will take him ten minutes to find his way back” she said. Bailey laughed and shook her head. “I have been having this recurring dream.” Bailey started, “It was a fabulous dream.” “What dream?” Addison urged her friend to continue. “Ok, I am working Trauma and the Chief wheels in a car accident victim.” Bailey told her. “When I look at the patient I realize it is Denzel Washington” “Nice,” Addison commented. “So,” Bailey continued. “I take care of him. I fix him all up and then he is so thankful. He jumps off the gurney, takes me into his arms and…” Bailey trailed off. “And…” Addison said, “And then what?” “That’s just it; by the time I get there I usually get shaken and bombarded with dumb questions from my retarded intern Izzie Stevens” Addison laughed, snorting loudly. “I take it she has been told more than once never to wake you, unless it’s an emergency.” “Of course! And it never is an emergency, and it drives me mad.” Bailey replied. “Well she is gone now, maybe you can finish that dream” Addison told her. “That is just it,” Bailey sighed. “Today I had fell asleep and I started the dream. Denzel jumped of the gurney and he took me in his arms and…” Bailey trailed of again looking distressed. “Someone woke you up?” Addison asked. “No, I just woke up by myself,” Bailey whispered. She laughed sounding incredibly frustrated, “I guess old habits die hard.” “There is nothing wrong with missing her,” Addison said. “I don’t miss her,” Bailey snapped, “She is just another one of my suck ups. Suck ups come and go. Most don’t make it through the program, and I knew Stevens would be one of the ones to go. She didn’t have it.” “I heard Burke always picked a favorite,” Addison said a moment later, “He always picked the runt of the litter and pushed him to be better. Maybe you did the same thing” “That’s crazy,” Bailey spat. “Stevens wasn’t my favorite. I don’t have favorites. I hate all of my suck up’s equally.” Addison just shrugged. ”Thanks sweetie,” she replied taking her drink from Derek. He sat down beside Bailey again. “What did I miss?” He asked handing Bailey he double shot of tequila. She nodded in thanks and slammed it down quickly. Addison engaged Derek in very quiet conversation, and Bailey let her mind drift back to the dream. She felt drained, exhausted, frustrated and a little sad. She always thought sheer hated Stevens waking her from the dream but somewhere along the way she became used to Stevens quirks. Somewhere align the way she started to care. That is ridiculous, Bailey thought silently, it’s just an erotic dream and she was just another suck up. But before turning back to her colleagues she said a silent goodbye to Izzie Stevens and prayed tonight she would finally finish that dream. Dr.Miranda Bailey Greys Anatomy (Comment on this)